


Dumb Bitches Text Chat

by Idiot_Cat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chaos, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28726509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idiot_Cat/pseuds/Idiot_Cat
Summary: I'm bored and wanted a way to procrastinate school so here is a haikyuu text fic. Cussing and mentions of sex are the main reason its under the teen rating. If you have any characters or relationships you want me to include leave a comment and I will try to add it in (no illegal relationships tho)noya:	replace the last word in disney movies with penis i’ll startnoya: 	finding penistanaka:  winnie the penisDaichi:  Jesus ChristSuga:  sleeping penisshoyo:  pocapenisTsukishima:  pocahontas is one wordshoyo:  shhhhshoyo:  it sounds funnyAsahi:  What has this chat become??
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. The Beginning of Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> this is not spell checked   
> Not everyone who is in the chat will always be active

Karasuno VB  
noya: replace the last word in disney movies with penis i’ll start  
noya: finding penis

tanaka: winnie the penis

Daichi: Jesus Christ

Suga: sleeping penis

shoyo: pocapenis

Tsukishima: pocahontas is one word

shoyo: shhhh  
shoyo: it sounds funny

Asahi: What has this chat become??

Suga: fun  
Suga: since this chat is no longer about volleyball can I add a couple people?

Daichi: I feel like no but I guess I’ll give everyone admin access

shoyo: oooh I want to add people too

Suga added Oikawa +2 more  
shoyo added kenma +9 more

Daichi: I SAID A COUPLE PEOPLE

shoyo: opps

Oikawa: Heyyy karasuno

Bokuto: SUP EVERYONE

Kuroo: whats this?

Tsukishima: hell

Bokuto: HEY ITS TSUKKI DUDE

Tendou: why hello everyone

Semi: How do you sound creepy saying hello over text?

Tendou: It's a talent semisemi what can i say 

Kags: I left my phone for 5 minutes. Why are there so many people????

Yamamoto: Where's Kiyoko-san!?!?!?

tanaka: I CANT BELIVE WE NEVER ADDED HER IM SO MAD AT MYSELF  
tanaka: SHES NOT ACCEPTING THE CHAT REQUEST

Yams: Yachi can you add her, she won’t deny if you ask

Yachi: why wont you?

Yams: … im tired

Yachi: you lazy bitch

Yachi added Kiyoko-san

tanaka: why didn't you accept my request?

Kiyoko-san: The last time I did it was you and noya spamming that you love me

noya: we should rename the chat

noya named the chat noyas bitches

Asahi: i-

Suga named the chat Dumb Bitches

Suga: this is much more accurate


	2. Hana And Matsu

Oikawa added Iwaizumi +6 more

Oikawa: Hello team!!

Daichi added Teru  
Teru: Sup bitches  
Teru: Oh hey freckles-chan your here

Yams: Heya teru

Hana: I keep wanting to make dirty comments whats wrong with me?

Matsu: Its because your horny

Iwa: So much

Hana:NO I AM NOT  
Hana: I’M JUST...FLIRTY

Matsu: Hana, dear Hana, we can't fix the problem until we admit it.

Hana: Matsu dear Matsu my honey, I dont give a rats ass

Matsu: I-

Hana: Is “I-” your favorite thing to say cause you literally say nothing else. Like bitch finish the fucking sentence

Teru; jdjdjdgdhdhd

Matsu: DONT CALL ME OUT BITCH

Hana: MEAN ME OR HORNY ME YOU FUCKING CHOOSE

Matsu:YOU BITCH  
Matsu: UGH FINE HORNY YOU  
Matsu:HORNY YOU IS MORE TOLERABLE

Hana: YOU FUCKING DUMB ASS BITCH WHO STEALS ALL MY MEMES AND SAY CHRIST IS WATCHING EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE RELIGIOUS TRAUMA CANT SAY SHIT TO ME

Matsu: DONT CALL ME OUT LIKE THAT, THATS NOT NICE

Hana:STEP UP YOU GAME THEN

Matsu: FINE MAYBE I WILL

Hana: YOUR A BEAUTIFUL BASTARD AND I LOVE YOU

Matsu: I KNOW, I LOVE YOU TOO BITCH NO HOMO

Hana: NOW GIVE ME A FUCKING HUG  
Hana: HOMO BUT NOT IN THE GAY WAY

Kuroo: its the same thing

Hana: DONT QUESTION MY LOGIC

Yams: What the fuck just happened??

Iwa: Our daily life

Goshiki: Do they hate each other?

Suga: Are they in love?

Asahi: Are they just friends?

Hana: Our relationship is complicated

Matsu: Friends with benefits

Oikawa: who don't see other people and cuddle constantly

Matsu: yes

Hana: Yes

Daichi: I hate this chat

Tsukishima: same

Kunimi: ^


	3. When I die TW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy sorry I haven't updated I was in the mental hospital. This chapter has a TW because there are jokes about death and suicide if these are at all triggering for you please skip this chapter.

4:20 am  
Yams: I might kill myself BUTTTT on the upside I got old spice deodorant.

Kenma: Pog asf

Tendou: No kill self too sexy

Yams: Agreed.  
Yams: It’s why I still live

Tsukishima: If you do die I recommend these really cool coffins with LED lights

Yams: Shittt  
Yams: big want. Even though I’m not dead I still want it  
Yams: bro when I’m older instead of a bed I’ll get a coffin

Kenma: When I kill myself I’m jumping in water no way in hell am I letting people see my body

Kunimi: same

Tsukishima: Especially cause you shit and fart when you die  
Tsukishima: I rather die than die

Tendou: If i die I’ll cremate myself before anyone can see

Yams: I’ll do it for you <3

Tendou: Nah then you’ll have to see me dead I need to keep my image.

Kenma: Apparently men can get boners when they die.

Kunimi: Pfft-

Tsukishima: Boners-...

Yams: I get those when thinking of you ;)

Tsukishima: Jesus Christ we’re in a group chat

Yams: So?

Tendou: sdkdjjfiw;vgq

8:00 am

Asahi: Are you guy okay

Kindaichi: wtf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daichi  
> Suga  
> Asahi  
> Kiyoko  
> Nishinoya  
> Tanaka  
> Enoshita  
> Kinoshita  
> Narita  
> Hinata  
> Tsukishima  
> Yamaguchi  
> Kageyama  
> Yachi
> 
> Kuroo  
> Yaku  
> Kenma  
> Yamamoto  
> Lev
> 
> All of Seijoh
> 
> Ushijima  
> Tendou  
> Semi  
> Shirabu  
> Goshiki
> 
> Bokuto  
> Akaashi
> 
> Terushima


	4. Lets meet at the park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T hope you enjoy this chapter

Tanaka: according to Daichi I need “help”  
Tanaka: I don’t know what that is, “help” is that a condom brand or?

Noya: I thought it was a monster energy drink flavor

Shoyo: Monster flavored condoms?

Noya: help flavored monster

Shoyo: Help is a name for monster flavored condoms

Suga: Imma go get some

Noya: I’m coming

Tanaka: Bte who should try first?

Shoyo: Me!!!

Suga: @Daichi wanna suck the condom when its on my dick?

Daichi: What the fuck

Suga: ;)  
Suga: Do you hate me yet?  
Suga: Or do you secretly want to fuck?

Daichi: Pull up hoe

Asahi: I-

Daichi: I’m stuck between the two

Suga: Does that mean what I think it means sunshine?  
Suga: LETS FUUUCK

Shirabu: Chill shawty

Suga: so you wanna fuck or nah

Daichi: um, I have to mop the ceiling

Tanaka: LMAOO

Noya: I already did

Suga: Daichi let's meet in an abandoned with a slide

Daichi: I’m calling the police

Suga: Do you hate me :(

Daichi: NO BABE I LOVE YOU

Suga: THEN LETS FUCK IN THE PARK

Daichi: AT A PARK?!?!

Suga: WHERE ELSE?!?!

Yachi: I’m pregnant with mac n cheese  
Yachi: And parks are very romantic 10/10 recommend

Kags: How would you know that Yachi?

Yachi: Sorry I have to wash the moon I’ll talk to you guys later

Kags: YACHI

Suga: Babe I can get you pregnant at the park tonight

Daichi: WHAT THE HELL SUGA  
Daichi: SOMEONE HELP

Tanaka: I call crazy uncle

Oikawa: Why do I have the urge to send you guys porn right now

Iwa: DONT

Oikawa: whyyyyyy

Iwa: It’s gross

Oikawa: Maybe you just haven;t seen the right porn

Yahaba: I haven’t seen it at all

Oikawa: your so innocent

Yahaba: Yeah

Daichi: I love you Suga

Suga: Then prove it  
Suga: Send me a virtual forehead kiss

Daichi: I AM WITH FAMILY

Suga: ITS A FOREHEAD KISS

Diachi sent one attachment 

Suga: Thank you!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is bad I promise it will get better. the characters in the chat so far are-  
> Daichi  
> Suga  
> Asahi  
> Kiyoko  
> Nishinoya  
> Tanaka  
> Enoshita  
> Kinoshita  
> Narita  
> Hinata  
> Tsukishima  
> Yamaguchi  
> Kageyama  
> Yachi
> 
> Kuroo  
> Yaku  
> Kenma  
> Yamamoto  
> Lev
> 
> Oikawa
> 
> Ushijima  
> Tendou  
> Semi  
> Shirabu  
> Goshiki
> 
> Bokuto  
> Akaashi


End file.
